change

the only constant is change ---  who said that?  I never can remember who said what and I usually mess up the quote, though I usually manage to keep the basic meaning of it intact. 

I have been planning, cleaning, sorting through old boxes of photos and journals for the past couple of weeks.

today it is 5 days until I wed my sweetheart.  we have been living together for more than 3 years, so it shouldn't be too terribly different, just more of the same, a re-confirmation of the commitment we have already given each other. 

4 days after our wedding will be my last day of work at Emergency Communications / 9-1-1 in Aspen, Colorado where I have spent 40+ hours per week for the past 9 years of my life. 

the day after that I will leave my home, new husband, son, dogs, cat, fish, tomato plants, friends, extended family and my beloved mountains to go to Los Angeles for 9 weeks of Bikram Yoga Teacher Training. 

today I am taking lots of deep breaths and trying to appreciate the wonderful place that I live and work and the wonderful people who have been a part of my daily life for all this time.   I have been blessed with such a rich life surrounded by such gorgeous, giving, good people and such breathtaking scenery that I am at this moment thinking that I must be crazy to have made the decision to instigate such drastic change. 

granted, I'll be back here.  I'll still be able to see these mountains and these people, but I will be caring for them in a different capacity.  No more adrenaline rush when the 911 lines all light up at the same time.  No more ten hour days surrounded by computers, phones, radios and all manner of bells, buzzers and beeps.  No more graveyard shifts feeling like I'm one of the very few alert and oriented individuals in the entire county.  The camaraderie will be missing -- and yet........

yes, when I come home and begin teaching Bikram yoga - there will be opportunities for new camaraderie, new good daily routines, new gorgeous, giving, good people, new ways to help and be, new challenges, new.....

I am at a crossroads and part of me just wants to stop, sit down in the middle of the intersection and stay put.  another part wants to charge ahead full speed and forget about the damn stop sign, forget about looking both directions.  another part wants to turn around and amble slowly through the dust and haze and mist of memory lane, maybe to wander there wistfully forever. 

What I will do though is put one foot in front of the other, walk deliberately forward, breathe deeply and smile at those I encounter on the way.

It'll be OK. I just keep telling myself that I will have all the resources I will need to meet these new challenges with ease, elegance and joy. 

Anyone who wants to comment with their favorite things about L.A. or Bikram -- I'd love to hear it -- but no cautionary tales please - I've heard enough of those already. 

:-)