me sentÃa triste, I am feeling sad.
synonym for light
I am feeling sad. I am feeling bewildered. I am feeling powerless. I am feeling unsure of how to proceed. I am also feeling grateful for all that I have been given in this life and for every good thing and good person that has touched my life.
When I opened my eyes and realized that I was awake today, I began immediately to wonder what I should do first and to feel a familiar sense of being overwhelmed, then I stopped myself and deliberately asked myself, "for what am I most grateful?". My eyes felt sensitive and dry, so I blinked and looked around and realized what a privilege it is to be able to see, even in the limited way that I see without glasses or contacts. I mentally smiled at my eyes and thanked them. I saw my hands and my wedding ring and realized what a blessing it is to have a loving husband and a stable home. I saw my messy bedroom and realized how rich indeed I am to sleep in a bed and have a roof over my head, a heated home. That was just the beginning. I thought back to what I'd read the night before on my break from work and remembered how lucky I am to have a job where I am treated with dignity, some autonomy and where I earn a decent wage, health and vacation and retirement benefits and get breaks during which I can read or blog or go for a walk or take a nap. I'd been reading Thich Nhat Hanh's book, "The Art of Power". I intended to begin again a mindfulness practice. To just be in this moment, to continue to come back to this moment, this place where I am right now. I took time to pet my dogs and smile and coo at them and to be thankful for their happiness at seeing me emerge from the bedroom. Then I shooed them off to go play and turned to my husband who made me laugh by mimicking the dogs reaction at seeing me. I took time to hug my husband and to enjoy the hug and the moment. Then I spent time being mindful of my steps, of my body moving through space, of the making and drinking of tea and of each small action on the way to tidying the house. I had been feeling rushed and harried recently. What I discovered was that I could accomplish a great deal in a small amount of time if I gave my attention to each task individually as I did it, consciously bringing my mind back to the task at hand each time it wanted to rush ahead and plan the next 24, 48, 72 hours and more. I felt relaxed while doing my chores. I was able to ask my husband pleasantly to help me in my work and he gladly did, without grumbling or feeling browbeaten or nagged.
In the shower, getting ready for my night of work, I acknowledged the different parts of my body and smiled at each one of them. and they seemed to smile back. I said to myself, I am so lucky to have a healthy and strong body. I am so grateful for my health and strength and for my body, so I will take very good care of it. hair, skin, muscles, teeth-- I will feed it only healthy, nourishing food and drinks and not ingest poisons or toxins. I am so lucky, so grateful to be able to make that decision and to follow it through. Not all are so lucky to have the water, the toothbrush, the toothepaste, the nourishing food.
in the car on the way to my night of work, in the dark and the snowstorm, I listened to coffee break spanish and repeated the new words. I began to understand the difference between ser and estar, the verbs both meaning to be, in spanish. to be. ser is apparently used when describing something that will continue to be for a long time. and estar is used for more temporary to be's. with some exceptions-- estar for locations, even if they are not temporary and ser for time, even though that seems the most temporary of all things. I was thinking of these things more deeply. and so when titling this blog and feeling sad, I was hesitant to say either soy triste (permanentish from ser) which would have been grammatically incorrect I think or estoy triste (temporaryish from estar). how much work it must be to BE sad, much less difficult to FEEL sad. is it important how I say it? how I think it? how I feel it? do I embody sadness more completely and perhaps hopelessly if I say I AM sad? So, though I don't know if it is grammatically correct, I said me sentia triste, I am feeling sad-- I used google translate-- I have no idea if that is really correct at all.
and now to the reason I am feeling sad, bewildered, powerless, unsure...... I've gone away from my here and now. I've been reading the news. (1) here is what I have been reading. (2) worthwhile reading for sure. (3) important things to consider. but during and after the reading of each article, I was left feeling bereft, powerless, at sea. this zaadz is about "change the world". I will ask here again-- how? how can I change the world? is the only way for me to change the world by being aware, mindful, hopeful, grateful, loving and caring to my small circle of influence? how can I help social justice become the reality? the thing I like about alternet is the commentary beneath each article, it often goes very deep and long. I learn something always-- and the price of that learning is steep, leaving me feeling this ominous doom and with little idea of what to do about it. I am already being the change as much as I know how-- I work to better myself and my realm of influence daily, but my realm of influence is so, so small. it sometimes feels insignificant (though sometimes, in moments, it feels so, so joyful and perfect). recycling, carpooling, conserving energy, buying as little as possible and then second hand and local. spending very, very little at the big boxes. sharing. donating time and money to service organizations. writing to my government representatives and to the corporations that offend most or help most. trying to educate myself about where the things I buy and use come from. trying to understand the big picture while being here now. reading everything, simply everything and trying to understand how it all fits together and what my responsibility is. it's work. joyful work, true. but is it enough? is there more that the world is asking of me? ask not what.... but what you can do for your world...... I'm asking. what is required? what is needed? what is right?
my friend was going on and on to me about his rich friend's beautiful book collection of first editions that cost upwards of $50,000 each and I found myself very irritated. I didn't care how much cash the books would be worth at auction. I care what knowledge can be gleened from the reading. what adventure lies within? what mystery? what joy? what sorrow shared?
I decided to share the news articles here in the this blog that touched me so deeply (see the above 3 links) and to ask you, the reader of this blog, to share your reactions, feelings, ideas, wisdom, with me. I blogged some time ago that love is the answer, even if we are not quite sure yet of the question. love is the answer, I know it is true. but I also blogged that love is action and I am not sure which action my heart is asking me for? I do not know just yet. no se.
my dearest wish is peace on earth. no slaves. no exploitation. no violence. no war. no rape, of humans or the planet. no starvation. universal access to quality healthcare, including mental health care. that never ending human desire for utopia-- but not the bland, drugged, everyone is blissfully happy and entertained dystopia of science fiction, rather the deep play, curiousity, deep caring / feeling / growing / learning, arguing and making up too kind of utopia I'm not sure anyone has ever successfully sci-fied into being. can it be? or is the perfection really in the painful, horrible imperfections that we all learn and grow stronger from? I don't buy that really. what do you think dear zaadzsters?
Access: Public
action
August 2008 
Now I’M feeling sad too. I guess there isn’t much one can do when we read these articles. One feels helpless, powerless, desirous of doing some vague action to make all this go away; clueless and vaguely guilty.
In other words, adding to the problems of the world rather than helping. This just seems the wrong way to approach for changing the world. Guilt does not help.
But what you did, being mindful of what you CAN do; helping to bring peace into your life and of those around you; is what helps. You have already set out an intent to change the world; to make it better. Now watch for opportunities, and if you are calm, you will find them and know what to do.
Meenakshi, (I want to call you Meena, but don't know if that would be appropriate or ok with you.) Thank you so much for taking the time to read all of that and for your wonderful comment. I think you are right, absolutely and then sometimes i forget, like yesterday. Your words here have been like balm on my heart. Thank you. Thank you.
You know, of course, that nothing is really as simple as any one perspective makes it seem. Not even the alternet perspective, which does happen to resonate with me, but still.
Take your second link, about americans growing shorter…there is zero evidence that taller adults are healthier adults. In fact, the taller you are the more susceptible you are to the cell mutations that can turn into cancers. There's no evidence that it's a healthy diet that makes us grow tall. In fact, the Japanese who change from their traditional diet to a western diet grow as tall as us - and develop all the same western diseases that are nearly unheard of among those who follow a traditional diet. The whole story isn't there.
Also - it isn't poverty (or affluence either) that leads to poor nutritional choices. It's just poor decision making, and being swayed by advertising, and being unwilling to make any effort. I work with lots of families that are very poor. Down to the last one of them, they eat horrible food because it's convenient. It is not cheap. They would eat much much better and much cheaper if they took the trouble to make beans and brown rice and to buy locally grown produce and to cut back on meat. But they would rather eat hot pockets and go to fast food restaurants. And every single one of them, of the families I work with, knows that they are not making good choices.
Poverty sucks for a lot of reasons, but I have friends who choose to live simply and live very well on much less than some of these families get from foodstamps and section 8 housing allotments. This isn't a blame thing, I'm just saying, being despondent over poverty isn't looking at the whole picture, and getting taller won't help at all.
Anyway, I can't tell you how many times your words have inspired me, made my day better, given me a new perspective - you really never know how you're changing the world. Just trust yourself. And maybe don't read alternet so much.
this is why I love zaadz. this is why I blog here instead of elsewhere, because of deeply thoughtful comments, like this one. it's so wonderful to have friends to help me keep my perspective. jeannie thank you so, so much for taking the time to read all my rambling and all those articles and taking the time to post such a thoughtful and intelligent comment. I feel blessed by these answers. I feel supported and loved by them. it brings a happy tear to my eye. thank you both!
My sweet friend you have written this sentence awe-inspiring, outstanding and i am so overwhelmed by this your writing that my heart itself saluting you , we shall pray for those people who have thoughts like synonym for light. i give you .. seeds for this blog please accept it with love and earnestly. the sentence is here by synonym of light -my dearest wish is peace on earth. no slaves. no exploitation. no violence. no war. no rape, of humans or the planet. no starvation. universal access to quality healthcare, including mental health care. that never ending human desire for utopia– but not the bland, drugged, everyone is blissfully happy and entertained dystopia of science fiction, rather the deep play, curiousity, deep caring / feeling / growing / learning, arguing and making up too kind of utopia I'm not sure anyone has ever successfully sci-fied into being. can it be? or is the perfection really in the painful, horrible imperfections that we all learn and grow stronger from? I don't buy that really. what do you think dear zaadzsters?
I feel to cuddle with my heart and give blessings for alone this your thought. it is wonderful and sensible and prudent n wise sentence. i salute my dear friend for this blog. Keep it up !
With lots of blessings, loves, wishes and good thoughts !
Namaste - shanti n sukh n prem bhavya.
HI Dear,
I felt like you a couple of days ago. What helped me a lot was knowing this felling would pass away in the same way it came. Feelings are fluid, the worst one can do is fighting agaisnt them because then they last longer . Acceptacion is better, and the best observacion, to experience they are never permanent. Next time you will be less worried and more equanimous.In reference with to change the world, don't worry about it, just take good care of yourself and focuse on improving you, a better human being is the best gift you can offer tothe world. Many of those “helpingothers” more than being good people are just avoiding the personal effort.Well beauty, this is my oppinion and advice. I wish it helps.
vi
PSI am not spanish but know perfectly the language. You can come to me with any question. De acuerdo? Hasta pronto cariño.
LET ME CORRECT YOUR SENTENCE ABOVE:
ME SENTIA TRISTE = I WAS FEELING SAD or I FELT SAD
ME SIENTO TRISTE = I AM FEELING SAD or I FEEL SAD
Ben Rumson says to Pardner in the movie Paint Your Wagon -
“l get melancholy every now and then.
lt's a disease common to mountain men who live alone a lot,
but if you stay with me such times,l'll be OK.”
Thats what I'm thinkin' - Melancholia, You're in need of a sunny day at the beach!
Dearest Dawn,
Perhaps your lovely name says something about your doldrums.. the days are at their shortest, your lovely complexion and hair suggest you are an angel of the sun. Dawn can never come too early for you. If you are not working nights now, then you are spending a lot of time under darkened skies… I know how difficult that is for me at times.
You have the power to change the world at whatever scale you dream of.
A zaadz friend and I are entering 2008 with a project called “No turning back”. It means we are going to look forward at what dreams we can contribute to, and then are going to support each other to make it real, and for 2008 to be one of the biggest years of our lives.
If you would like to join us.. we would love to support you in making your dreams a reality too!
with love…
gracias a todos. thanks all! vi– agreed. I will stumble along with my very, very beginner's spanish and I'll count on you to correct my mistakes. :-) I understand your correction. I'm just beginning to get past and present tense. muchas gracias!!!
joe and dave – yes, I do need sunshine and people and I was spending lots and lots of time in the dark and all alone. and I think rapunzel is right too– I got a touch of an alternet overdose. it's kind of like seasickness.
dave- I don't have a lot of unfulfilled dreams or huge ambitions right now– as noted, my own personal life is pretty damn good. I don't have much to complain about. I feel relaxed about my own personal future, it's the future of the planet and mankind that I get anxious about. my goals for 2008 are to buy less, use less, give more, be here now. and of course I would love to have support in those endeavors. and actually, I could use any kind of help with the above stated dearest wishes. :-)
gracias a todos. thanks all.
i'm headed to bed early again, so I can go out and enjoy any sun that may be shining again tomorrow.
Thank you for initiating this exchange and for all of those who have contributed.
Let me take just one of these on, that I believe Ivan Illich, in his book, Tools for Conviviality, addressed very eloquently after having been the head of the Catholic Church's Third World “Development” projects and eventually renouncing the notions of “development” and the Church: Universal Healthcare.
When I spent time with the Minangkabau people of Sumatra, the Zapotec people in the Oaxacan coastal highlands of Mexico, and with the Tlingit and Kaska people of the Yukon territories of Canada, I was consistently astounded by the number of 90 and 100+ year old people who were actively in the mix of whatever gathering was called forth by the people, leading, counseling, chiding, laughing, guiding.
When you speak of “Quality Universal Healthcare,” as a Registered Nurse of 19 years with a very diverse background in so-called healthcare, as well as having been apprenticed with healers since age 19, I cringe when I hear this word - and let me clarify that I am not imputing your intent in using it, just my background with it - because it smacks to me of the Universal Medical/Industrial Cut-and-Burn processing that is the only legally mandated province of speech which law authorizes to medically “process” any Life process that the American Medical Association has stuck a “medical diagnosis” label upon. I look around at gatherings in the U.S. and am equally surprised at how FEW 80, 90 and 100 year olds are present with their bodies, faculties and gifts intact and to think that we have any clue as to what true health care is is presumptuous at best. I propose to abolish all programs of 'Universal Healthcare” and restore the notion of Individual Harmonic Life Choices, to be taken up - or not- by individuals interacting with individuals to guide their choices in a world liberated from tax-funded, and therefore violence-funded, rackets that camouflage themselves under such terms as “healing.”
What is compelling about Illich's vision, and his many years of experience in healthcare and education around the world - including his vast and profound look at “professionalization” of what are natural human activities as a means of cultural conquest, is that I think it speaks to our age:
My message to you, dear friend, is take heart: There is an old story of domination, obedience and punishment that continues to perpetuate itself through its hold upon up economically AND a new world has already arisen in our midst and the old world will not be able to hold it back, it will eventually surrender to become a nutrient source for this new world emerging.
This new world is one where groups of 5-10 people embark upon the adventure of reclaiming the entire territory of their life experience as THEIRS! People will claim their health, their bodies, their education, their sexuality, their diet, their entertainment, their loving, their exchange, and their economies as THEIRS and NOT UP FOR A VOTE! but only offered freely and invitationally to others who are free to say “yes” or “no,” beyond licensures, regulations and the interference of anonymous and armed “authorities.”
We are once again reclaiming true authority as so profoundly revealed by the indigenous words for “chief” which generally mean “one who speak to the heart.” And we will know once again that it is our hearts, scientifically demonstrated electro-magnetic emitive/receptive organs generating a force field of over 40 feet around us and responsive to other hearts and the pulsewave of earth, that are our true authority and direct us to those in alignment with inner/outer resonance. Once again, not up for a vote, for manipulation, persuasion or explanation.
There is a new culture emerging, friend, and it is a culture of Chiefs: loving, invitational, sovereign, visionary, non-aggressive and fierce. We are that culture! Let us embrace our individual sojourn and discover each others! There are adventures afoot and our challenge is to install a new operating system based in invitation, sovereignty and non-coercion.
Kind Regards! It's going to be a Great New Year!
O.T.