What do you search for within yourself? What do you seek inside your heart? What you look for?

I search for music,
poetry,
joy,
love,
wisdom,
compassion,
beauty,
hope,
playfulness,
generosity,
alchemy,
magic. 

When I take the time to look for, listen, feel and find these things inside, they reflect back at me from outside.  sometimes they are in disguise, but....

the line between
the inside and ouside
of me
grows faint

I see myself in you
I see you in me
I see them in us
I see us in them

I hear my heart in a song
when i listened to my heart
it asked me for a song

I feel my soul
in the sky as I walk
when i listened to my soul
it asked me to walk under the sky

I see my laugh
in a painting
when my mind asked me to paint
I laughed, and painted

I hear a loved one struggle
with memories of a childhood
unkind, a painful, lonely marriage,
I share her sorrow

I watch a beloved child
be reared in a home
so full of love
she glows
I share her joy.  I glow.

both are such a part of me
the joy and sorrow swirl inside of me
causing an ache
that feels like a song
a story, an image, a poem
a dance

I begin to move
I know I am alive
a tear falls

in that single tear
there is joy
there is sorrow
there is life
alchemy

///////////////////////////////////

Last night Adam took me to hear Abigail Washburn & The Sparrow Quartet. 
This music is transcendent.  I hear my heart, soul, mind and yes, even body in it. It feels like flying.   

Each of the musicians in the quartet is an overwhelmingly talented solo artist in his or her own right.  I suggest having a listen to all of them, individually and together.

So far the song that speaks to me most is "A Fuller Wine".  you can hear it here. I can't stop listening to it, over and over again.  The words, the voice, the banjos, the cello, the violin -- lift me and turn me around and inside out and soar and drop and rest and ache and wait and live. 

I almost posted just the words to it as answer to this question-- because it seems to me that we are looking for ourselves inside of ourselves and when we find ourselves we find everyone else too.  There is something so universal in these lyrics and the music......   oh!

Here are the lyrics from the liner notes.....

"A Fuller Wine"
Dark sky's here, no one's near
Except I think I feel you
Sun comes round, and no sound
Except the ringing blue
all too loud
Everywhere I go I look for you
Do you look for me where you go too?

Coldest day is here, skies are clear
Except your blinding constellation
Still you fall behind the west
Except this beating tune
in my chest
Everywhere I go I look for you
Do you look for me where you go too?

Tomorrow is here, I'm further near
Except this losing revelation
You are closer yet in my mind
They say the tardy fruit's
a fuller wine
Everywhere I go I look for you
Do you look for me where you go too?

Yesterday Adam was at work and I wasn't.  I rearranged and cleaned our bedroom.  I lit some candles in our bedroom and in the kitchen.  I sent him a text message that said:

"tonight.  9pm.  in the bedroom.  no lights.  no movies.  no books or magazines.  no phones.  no clothes.  no words.  just you, me, candles & silence.  want to?"

he replied:

"yes!"

and so it was a date.  I went to yoga then stopped at the grocery store on the way home and bought a light, easy dinner.  we prepared the dinner together and ate quietly.  while I was at yoga Adam had made up the bed with fresh, soft, organic cotton sheets.  after dinner we turned out all the lights, put the dogs to bed and met in the bedroom to light some beeswax candles. 

There are some things that defy description with words, but that never stops me from trying to describe them with words anyway.  I love a challenge.  :-)

In the almost silence of our candlelit bedroom we smiled at each other with our eyes.  We communicated enjoyment with our expressions and our breath.  We took care to really give our undivided attention to one another.  We smiled, we sighed, we enjoyed.  After some time we fell asleep all tangled up in one another.  And woke after a short nap to a quiet candlelit room. 

there is power and magic in silence.  in quiet there seems to be more room to notice the quality of light playing across a lover's face or the dawn climbing down a mountain toward the valley. 


"What is one thing that there are no words for?"

I suspect the poet's job is to find that thing and put words to it, in order to share it through recognition with another who was not there in that moment but has had a similar experience. 

There is a way that certain music makes me feel that I would be hard pressed to put to words.  For that reason, I am profoundly grateful for youtube and iTunes and pandora and gaia and myspace and good old fashioned radio for letting me share those songs that touch me. 

Here's one....  Legend of Zelda - Song of Storms as arranged and played by an iPhone Ocarina virtuoso. 




This song, Breathe, made famous by Faith Hill, touches on how a few candles and some quiet can enhance a human encounter......


BREATHE
(Holly Lamar/Stephanie Bentley)

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face
And I've never been this swept away

All my thoughts seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear is the beating of your heart

Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe..

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
Closer than I've ever felt before
And I know and you know there's no need for words right now

Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe..

Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe..

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way

///////////////////////////////////////

while searching unsuccessfully for a recording for that song, I found this one and it's startlingly simple and beautiful, I thought I'd share.  apparently it's still all about breathing.  :-)      Anna Nalick - Breathe (2AM) Acoustic