I cross country skied with Adam and the dogs yesterday.  Adam & I are fledgling cross country skiers, just beginners, not pros like Farland.  But we still have fun.  That's a nice thing about cross country skiing - you can get "good enough" quickly and then keep improving for the rest of your life. 

This is my favorite photo from our little ski trip.  The tree in the middle of the frame growing in such a small bit of dirt, on a precarious perch, soaking up whatever sun and water it can get.  Strong and delicate, persevering, inspiring. 

 

One of these is a further out view of a recently posted photo, posted with a blog that was a little about detours and a little about surprises and a little about flowing. 

The other is a closer view of a tree called Perseverance, posted yesterday. 

I want to be a loving person.  I want to be a patient, kind, strong, flexible, kindhearted, joyful, alive, beautiful person. 

These two places, viewed close up and further out, each give me the inspiration to keep it up. 

I wonder what the little horses are called. 

If you were a color, what would you be?  If you had to be a color, what would you choose, and why? Or, otherwise, what color would you be today, right now, in this moment?

"May the longtime sun
shine upon you
all love
surround you
and the pure light
within you
guide your way on........"




here are some colors I saw during my lunchtime walk today.  the signs on the outside of this building (The Aspen Art Museum) say, "give more than you take".   feeling smart alecky, I thought, well that's lovely, depending on what you are giving more of than you take.  give more love than you take??  okay.  can you quantify it that way?  give more shit than you take??  more stuff?  more guff?  more ???  give more what than I take? 

I walked on, with this Q&R for today tickling my consciousness, still curious what color I would be or what color I am usually or what color I am today -- still pondering the ways in which we experience color.




Shall I go in and bring it outside?  Will the art know it's own freedom then?  Is it colorful art.  Oh look -- it's free for me to go in and look at it.  I think I will stay outside during this lunch break.  I'll make art with my camera-- or is that taking art?  Will I be giving or taking if I go in and look at it?  Will I be taking or making if I focus my camera in various directions and call it art? 

The other day, Stephen Colbert had a guest on his show who said it's art if the artist calls it art.  He said there is no other criteria for determining whether something is art or not.  I think he was a lawyer.  What about, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?  Is art in the eye of the beholder?  or in the imagination of the creator?  or......   aha.....  Both.  it must be both, not either or.  Both is often my favorite answer lately. 

I walked on, thinking about One Photo on March 1st, Two Photos on March 2nd -- will it be Three Photos today, March 3rd? 

Here are three photos, each of the same place, each with slightly different perspective.....




Is it true, I wonder, that we can change our own world, just by changing our focus??  I see something beautiful in the little lake / pond across from the art museum. 

And when I heighten the focus.....





and then broaden it.....






I walked on, continued my walking meditation with camera and headphones and step counter.  Reflections, like memories, have different stories to tell, seemingly different meanings, depending on how we focus, where we are standing.  I keep my eyes open, my camera out.  There is a bounce in my step.

On first glance it seems to be a gray, blah-ish day, but I am a perspective detective hot on the trail of some small insight.....





I think it's just lovely how trees can appear in a bit of melted snow pooling on the pavement.....





the puddles begin to look deeper and deeper as you walk past.  the trees stretch and grow before your eyes. 

but what about that color question.  what color am I?  I am also a color detective on this grey day.  where is all the color hiding?






oh!!  I really like the orange with red with contrasting background.....






I walk on, I keep looking all around for clues.

up-ish.....





yes, that's true, I like blue, but i don't feel blue today.  I might feel a little floaty, like those clouds though.

when I look back down-ish, I can still see the clouds and a touch of blue in the sky....






i say it's art, but who is the maker?  mother nature?  father time?  the sky?  the clouds?  the wind?   me?  the people who made the camera?  I just focused the lens a certain way, directed my attention.





maybe the artist is the one who built the bike path in such a way that the water would pool just so in springtime.  maybe the path designer made it this way on purpose.  intelligent design?? 




I typed only subtle color hear instead of here.  Is that because we need to listen to find color sometimes too.  Coming through the headphones into my ears is a singer singing about his sweet baby's red house.  I can hear the color in his song.  It's a blues song.  :-)

Subtle color is sometimes even more breathtaking than bold color.......








if i was a berry, I think I might indeed like to be that deep red color.

if it's true that white is everycolor then maybe I'd like to be white, but I wear a lot of black, often with bold solids and sometimes I wear subtle colors.  my eyes are blue, my skin and hair are pale, but I like a certain brown that comes with freckles after playing in the sun.




that was all the time allotted during this lunch hour for shadow and light sleuthing.   now later I see that the website has resized some of the photographs, changing the ratio of wide to tall.  I'll let them stay slightly distorted, the way my own memory has slightly distorted the day.

after work, i walked the 5 miles to the community college for kundalini yoga class.  boy am I glad I did.

here is just one last bit of puddle art.  I think I love this one most, but I'm not entirely sure. 




one year, I think 5th or 6th grade, I wanted to wear only purple and pink.  my mom liked me in red.  my kundalini teacher is always in all white during our classes.  tonight I was in all black.  I kept thinking, wondering what color, what color?  all day, but I still don't know.  I love them all too much I think.  or just enough, rather.  plenty.  I love them all plenty.  :-)

"How does your mind relate to your body?  What is the relationship between your mind and your body? How do the two connect? Does your mind control your body, or the other way around? And what would be your ideal relationship?"

I've just seen one of the best movies I've ever seen.  At least the best Western I've ever seen.  I LOVE this movie, Appaloosa, with Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen, Renee Zelwegger, need I say more??  The trailer that I've linked to doesn't do it justice. 

"But how does it relate to the question?", you may ask. 

It does relate to the questions, I assure you. 

My mind loves words.  Big words.  Perseverance.  Sequester.  Obfuscate.  Obstreperous.  (Okay, Obstreperous wasn't in the movie."  But I did learn a word from the movie.  I might have missed it, but my roommate was sleeping and I kept saying, "what did they say?" and rewinding it to listen again, until Smartie Pants, and actually Brilliant, Husband Adam, just fixed it for "hearing impaired" people, with special english subtitles that even said things like, "piano playing" and "brush rustling".  I loved it.  You'll have to watch the movie with the subtitles for the hearing impaired or really good ears if you want to sleuth for the word I learned.  ;-)

My eyes love good cinematography....   do eyes qualify as mind or body???  If you read, "A Natural History of Seeing: The Art and Science of Vision" by Simon Ings you may understand why I ask.  The cinematography in this film is incredible.  I actually don't worry much about such things when watching movies, but the cinematography in this movie just shocked me with how well it was done.  next sentence spoiler alert:   If you watch on DVD, pause at the scene where Bragg is being recaptured, and you will see a gorgeous still.  My eyes also love good photography.  The still shots at the end of the film are stunning.  I want to contact the photographer and learn something about what she has done.  Lorie...??  I'll look again and comment below here to say her full name.   

So -- mind loves the script.  eyes love the visuals......

My body loves the way bodies, faces, respond to one another in this film, the way the bodies look and interact, and seem to love one another, without being graphic even.  or is that my mind reacting.  It is, of course, my eyes, my ears, my senses, my mind, reacting.  good sex is in the mind, really, after all, isn't it?  our minds decide what our bodies react to, even including degrees of heat, light, etc..  no?  care to argue with this mind, that is directing this fingers to type these words?  this mind loves to argue and this body complies, moving mouth and fingers.  :-) 

Mind, emotion, body, spirit...................

My body reacted to this film viscerally.  Yummm.   I watched Adam watching the film too.  He said he thought is was kind of boring.  he obviously wasn't reacting to the hot women or men in it.  in this film it was the men that did me in.  haha.  I love hot women too by the way-- but usually it's the iq and the emotional intelligence that gets me, and then the healthy body...  the body doesn't have to be a particular shape or size.....  it only has to embody a particularly spectacular emotional, spiritual, intellectual and, yes, physical intelligence......  that's when i am most turned on, tuned in.  :-)

Ultimately, my reaction to this film, body, emotion, mind, spirit.......  is all one.  it is synthesized into "my" reaction. 

Are we spiritual beings having a physical experience?  Or physical beings having a spiritual/emotional or other experience?? 

I think the answer, my favorite of late, is......

all of the above.  both.  not either, or, but both.  BOTH.  and more. 

like the elephant and the blind men.  google it if you haven't heard the story.  and then..... read more than one of the google links. 

I was recently reminded that, "there is one truth, and many paths to it." 

I like that truth. 


thanks for visiting.

xoxo
-d

ps-- the historical accuracy and costume and set design are impecccable.  the characters are complex, not black and white, and they are beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking.  I LOVED this movie.  I love the music, everything.  Loved it.  the message is universal and oh, my, just gorgeous. 

the pic is from this summer, in the high mountain west, where i live and love a "lawman" (no not the sheriff, yes a deputy) who is complex and deep and good and gorgeous, everyday.  yummmmmmm.  (that is a body, mind, emotion, spirit reaction to my yummmmmm husband.)

I saw Adam in the character, "Everett" and also others.  I saw myself in the characters of "Katie" and yet I could easily identify and understand, "Ali".  I liked Katie better, she seemed less.........    less affected.  but Ali was just being a woman in a certain circumstance too.  I think men would behave very likely simalarly if the tables had been turned. 

i love films about human nature.  this one was gorgeously so. 

and the dialogue was .....   they said, "perambulatin'...     ah! 

good night.  -d

heart
dear, dear heart
strong heart
steady heart
whole heart
full heart
you
are
my heart

it's astrounding what you've been doing for me
what you still do
day after day
night after night
with no rest
no complaint

oh wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, strong, steady heart
thank you for all the fresh, oxygenated blood you send to my fingers, toes, brain, eyes
thank you for being a team player, heart
without you, lungs, muscles, brains, bones couldn't do their part

I'm sorry I've nearly broken you so many times, sweet heart
thank you for always forgiving me and giving me another chance
you are so dear to me, darling heart
you mean the world to me
without you
I'd not be long here

heart  (do you perhaps prefer to be called corazon?)
please hear my thanks
please know my deep gratitude
I love you I need you I want you I can't live without you I treasure you I cherish you I am nothing without you, heart

oh heart
sweet heart
beautiful heart
strong, steady, gorgeous heart
my heart

thank you for beating the rhythm of my life each day
thank you for being with me every step of the way
thank you for sometimes reminding me to play,
to be gentle and kind with the words I say

oh
heart
I love you heart


[ode to a heart, -dcd, monday, march 9, 2009]

What if the world doesn't actually need saving???   What if it is actually perfect already??  

My friend Sallie's multimedia show, here, sheds some light on the subject. 

yesterday, after work, I was supposed to go to dinner with a bunch of friends to celebrate farland's birthday, but a storm was coming and farland wanted to get going to moab sooner than later, so the dinner was cancelled.  my husband and son were out of town, mountain biking, so I thought I would go to yoga, but I didn't make it to class in time, so I thought I would go to a movie, but it wasn't at the theatre I thought it would be at, so I kept driving.  I thought I would go to the next town and see if it was playing there.  it wasn't.  I called a friend and another friend to see if they wanted to meet.  one was out of town, the other didn't answer.  something seemed to be calling me, but I wasn't sure what it was.  I decided to go to the burrito place in carbondale and read my book and relax a bit. 

when I entered the shop, I almost thought it was closed because there was not a single other soul in the room.  a pretty girl came out of the kitchen as I approached the counter.  as she prepared a burrito for me she asked if I was going to stay for family bluegrass night and I said maybe I would and I wondered if maybe the music had been calling me down to carbondale.  I sat and ate and read my book and took some notes.  soon I realized that the room was filling up with people.  about 6 or 7 men had started playing music, various instruments - guitar, banjo, fiddle, bass, mandolin, etc...  they were sitting in a circle right in front of the table I was sitting at.  I paused in my reading to listen fully.  I smiled as the music resonated through me. 

another man entered carrying a case which held another stringed instrument.  with him, a girl in a bright green coat.  she had a subtle smile.  soon the man chose a chair and began playing with the circle which had grown to 10 men of varrying age all playing and some singing.  the girl sat by me.  we immediately began a converstaion.  we talked of poetry, music, places, people.  I liked her immediately and completely.  She said she was applying to graduate schools to study poetry and I shared a bit of stuff from my notebook with her and told her it had been editted a bit since going to the notebook and that the more recent version was on my blog.  I asked her if she had any of her poems with her and she recited one for me.  it had a line about a shared kidney and a more than once death.  I wanted to read it because there was so much in it I couldn't get it all at once in one listen.   I gave her a piece of paper with my gaia / blog address and my email and phone number.  she said, "oh, you're on gaia."  and I said yes and something about siona and she said, "oh, you know siona?!?"  and yes, and we discussed how we each knew siona and she told me how her husband had been on gaia, back when it was zaadz and that he had died and that siona had been wonderful and supportive.  and she wrote down her husband's name, chad christopher cobb, and "the resting sage". 

so I am here now and I've just finished reading a memorium about her husband whom I did not have the pleasure of knowing in life.  and I'm thinking.....   what a strange and wonderful world.  and I'm wondering.....   and wondering.   and as I type this I have a tear in my eye and a smile in my heart and a profound awe for the gorgeous mystery of life. 

I think we have to look within and listen within so we can better understand the mysteries of our own hearts which may be able to teach us something about how the universe works.  had I not been able to listen within last night, I might not have a new friend, who shares a love of poetry, a love of music, an interest in indiginous peoples, even possibly shared ancestors.   on this planet there are nearly 7 billion people, but there are more cells that that in my one body -- and they are all working in harmony right now to let me breathe and type and see and hear and feel and smell and......  smile and love.  maybe when we look within, listen within, maybe that is how we learn to play our own parts in this dance of life?  maybe we have to be quiet enough and observant enough to hear when we are being "called" somewhere.  maybe our own hearts are better than telephones or skype or glasses or contacts?? 

wiktionary defines unaware as lacking knowledge. 

so, of what do I lack knowledge?  lots of things, for instance:

I lack knowledge about what motivates the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Michael Steele and Sarah Palin and who's that Governor of Louisiana that gives my husband the creeps when he talks?  I lack knowledge of what goes through the mind of a CEO as he accepts a big, fat bonus while knowing that the shareholders of his company have lost, in some cases, their entire life savings.  I lack knowlege of what it is like to be a Senator, a President, a Governor, the CEO of a large corporation or even a radio shock jock. 

Today I got a letter from a Senator.  It gave me a bit more knowledge about what he's thinking about, but only in a round about, read between the lines sort of way.   Here it is.....  and below it, you'll find my reply, which I couldn't send as a simple email reply, but had to go to his website to send through a form.  (gggrrrrrr....  if people are going to send email, they should at least have the courtesy to receive replies, no?)

Dear Dawn,

We're hard at work here in Washington, continuing to ramp up our operations while we work to pass legislation that will help the people of Colorado and Americans across the country. In just a few short months, we've passed a bill ensuring equal pay for women, the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP), and President Obama's economic stimulus bill.

It's tough work but essential, and I can't thank you enough for having the faith in me to represent you in the U.S. Senate. I wouldn't be here without your support.

Times are hard for families and small business owners across our state. Thousands of people have lost their jobs, businesses are struggling, and our local communities are grappling with revenue shortfalls that are straining their ability to provide basic services. My first priority as Colorado's senior Senator is to fight as hard as I can to get our economy on track -- I'll work with anyone if it helps Colorado.
 
That is why I called for an end to partisan bickering in January, and why I joined a group of Senators who are working on solutions to our economic challenges that are not only sustainable, but will spur long-term growth. When President Obama's American Recovery and Reinvestment Act was first unveiled, it was met with stiff Republican opposition. My work with a bipartisan group of Senators helped make the Act stronger and attract enough GOP support to pass the bill, which needed 60 votes in the Senate. And I am continuing to fight to see that federal investment in green energy, health care, and economic development comes to Colorado.
 
We have an extraordinary new leader in President Obama, but the reality in the Senate is that, in most cases, we still need one or two Republicans to help us pass bills that may require 60 votes to avoid obstructionist filibusters. President Obama recognizes that, too. As he often says, the problems we face in this country are not Democratic issues or Republican issues, they are challenges we all face as Americans.
 
If we are going to help the President meet these challenges, we cannot afford to get bogged down in the partisan politics of the past. As President John F. Kennedy reminded us, we should never fear to compromise, nor should we compromise out of fear. I will never compromise my convictions, but I will always work to find solutions, even if it means working with adversaries.
 
To be effective for Colorado, I want to make sure I have a seat at the table when new coalitions of Senators emerge. That is why I joined the so-called "moderate Dems working group." I don't care about political labels, but I do care about making sure Colorado has a voice when the Senate passes important legislation.
 
I joined this group to bridge divides and support the President's agenda, not to undermine it. Moreover, this group does not speak with one voice, and I intend to be an independent voice within it. I also believe that working with this group and many other coalitions of Senators will help me to amplify Colorado's needs, and to build support for the changes we need in energy and national security policy, among others.
 
Thank you again for all of your support in the past. I look forward to continuing to communicate with you about the important issues facing Colorado and our country.
 
Sincerely,

Mark Udall
US Senator



and my reply........  


Dear Senator Udall,
 
I voted in November for CHANGE, NOT for more conservative policies.  I even campaigned to help get you and Mr. Salazar and President Obama elected.  I knocked on doors and encouraged my neighbors to vote for you.  I wholeheartedly agree with the need for discussion and reasonable debate, but please, please don't give in to corporate interests at the expense of Education, Environment, Health Care for All and Clean, Sustainable Energy.
 
Please keep Education, Environment, Health Care for All and Clean, Sustainable Energy highest on your list of priorities.  If the results of the November elections weren't a mandate for real change, I don't know what could be.  Please continue to be a progressive.  Please steer clear of anything that even resembles giving in to big, corporate lobbyists.  Please, please, please make me proud that I encouraged my friends and neighbors to vote for you.  Please keep your own best counsel and always take the road that leads to the highest good for ALL and not just the few.  Please help reverse the trend toward corporate welfare.  Please work for peaceful and sustainable societies here and around the world. 
 
A few noisy and nasty voices have hurled the epithet "socialism" at progressives in the legislative and executive branches recently.  I say, if it's socialism to make sure that our all of our citizens are well educated, that all of our citizens have access to health care services, to put human and environmental interests above corporate interests, then let's all be socialists.  If it's socialism to tax corporations who benefit from our shared natural resources and use those taxes to benefit all of our citizens rather than taxing the working poor and middle class and using those dollars to benefit corporations, then I'm all for socialism.  If making sure there is oversight for those that can potentially damage our natural resources and national economy most is socialism, then again, I'm for it.  I would encourage you to ignore the noisy and the nasty and stay focused on legislation that protects even the quietest and least powerful among us. 
 
Again, I urge you to support President Obama's budget proposal as is. 
 
Thank you for doing the challenging work that you do.  I know it cannot be easy to be in your shoes and I appreciate your dedication. 
 
Sincerely,
Dawn Dexter
Snowmass, Colorado

I remember learning to ride a bike.  It's a strange memory, like an old film, with scratches and crackles and missing bits.  I remember a moment of surprise and glee when I realized I was going forward all by myself.  I remember some other people around but I don't know who they were.  Later, as a 30 year old, I remember the same feeling of sheer, unadulterated joy when I finally let go of the bridge railing and went careening forward on my unicycle.  It was short lived the first few times, but just like riding the bike, I got better and better and could go further and further without falling.  I do love forms of transportation that involve pedals and human ingenuity.  :-) 

and Otter sent me this today.  I love it.  I don't remember EVER learning to write poetry, but I did read a lot of Shel Silverstein poems at a young age.  I do love how we humans can string words together to convey something more than the sum of our parts.....

At recess a boy ran to me
with a pink rubber ball and asked
if I would kick it to him. He handed me the ball,
then turned and ran
and ran and ran, not turning back
until he was far out in the field.
I wasn't sure I could kick the ball
that far. But I tried,
launching a perfect and lucky kick.
The ball sailed in a beautiful arc
about eight stories high,
landed within a few feet of the 3rd grader
and took a big bounce off the hard playground dirt.
Pleased, I turned to enter the school building.
And then (I don't know where they came from
so quickly) I heard a rumbling behind me
full tilt. They were carrying pink balls and yellow balls
of different sizes, black and white checkered
soccer balls. They wanted me to kick for them.
And now this is a ritual—this is how we spend recess.
They stand in line, hand me the ball and run.
The balls rise like planets
and the 3rd graders
circle dizzily beneath the falling sky,
their arms outstretched.

"Teaching Poetry to 3rd Graders" by Gary Short, from 10 Moons and 13 Horses. © University of Nevada Press, 2004. Reprinted with permission.