I haven't read this book yet.....



When Technology Fails by Matthew Stein


I haven't yet woven my own sandals from yucca fibers like the Anasazi peoples did.



I haven't soared with outstreched wings on updrafts from a desert canyon. 




I have not yet made beautiful cupboard and closet doors from scrap wood, like these inside the Phoenix earthship near Taos, New Mexico. 




I have not yet grown or eaten grapes from a greenhouse attached to my home which is also an integral part of the home's heating system. 




I haven't built an earthship yet.




I haven't yet posted what I learned during our stay in an earthship.



I haven't yet begun showering using only hot water heated by the sun in a solar hot water heater, or drinking only water captured from rain and snowfall on the roof of my home. 



I have not yet lived happily ever after with this guy.....  but I'm working on it.  :-)




I have not yet come to accept that this is not my very own bedroom. 



Closets line the north wall, aren't they pretty? 



I haven't yet lived in a house where the used water from my bath or shower or dishwashing or laundry automatically waters the food and other plants in the planters on the south wall of my bedroom, naturally filtering it for a third use to flush the toilet.



I haven't stopped longing for a home with interior walls and floors made of adobe treated with linseed oil.  I haven't stopped thinking about thermal mass and natural ventilation, passive solar heating and cooling, electricity generated by the wind and sun, precious water captured from falling rain, used wisely, reused and reused again, then returned to the earth without polluting the lakes, streams or rivers.  I'm dreaming of a sustainable future, but not a future of hardship and sacrifice, rather a future of plenty and sharing and joy and wholeness.  I haven't built an earthship yet, but I haven't given up the idea either.  and I haven't shut up about it.  :-)



more to follow.

I want to read this.......



and all the books that Gnomi recommends.



and the ones Farland recommends too.....




I hate to say it out loud, because people think I'm a little touched then, but I would actually like to read every single book in our local library before I die.  it will be difficult to do because they are always getting new ones, but what a joy it will be to keep trying.  ;-) 

I'd like to learn to speak hundreds and hundreds of languages, to sing in those languages, to dream in them too.

I'd like to learn to play numerous musical instruments.  I'd like to learn to draw what I see and to paint.

I'd like to make magical dishes that nourish the body, mind and soul and taste like heaven, even to children who currently believe that they prefer beverages made of high fructose corn syrup and artificial flavoring over fresh squeezed organic orange juice or glorious fresh water. 

I'd like not just to learn to create sustainable, beautiful, magically calming, inspiring and nurturing homes, but I'd like to actually build them, one after another and then give them away to people who will love and care for them and love and live and laugh and grow in them. 

I'd like to never ever quit learning, to always be learning and growing and sharing.  I'd like to learn the best ways to interact with other people and not just to learn it, but to remember it and do it.  I'd like to learn to be love, to be kindness, to be lovingkindness.... day by day, minute by minute. 

I have been a bit overwhelmed with my own wants and needs recently and I seem to have forgotten momentarily that when I am giving of myself without expectation of renumeration, without a balance sheet in mind, that's when I'm happiest, but I haven't learned yet how to stay in that place all of the time.  I'll keep practicing.  I'll keep learning. 





And if for some reason that movie won't play, you can go here to youtube to watch it.  It's gorgeous!!  and heartbreaking.

What parts of the world are most important to you? Where on the planet do you find peace?

I can find peace anywhere if I have peace in my heart, however, some places lend themselves more easily to a feeling of peacefulness.  Some places are like peace triggers for me. 

Peace triggers: 

the Pitkin County Library and some certain books soothe me even while challenging me.










Colorado Mountain College - the Aspen campus -- I breathe more fully the second I step across the threshold, the photo below is a part of a piece of art hanging on the wall in the upstairs hallway.




sometimes a bedroom, uncluttered, is a peace trigger




sometimes a doorway made with care becomes a portal to a magical place  (earthship link)




a bath can transform me, renew me, regenerate me, calm me




oh thank heaven, thank goodness, thank mother earth for water, for every little thing, but extra for water, glorious water.....  oh water is surely sacred.




reclining with eyes closed, out of the wind, in the sunshine can melt away any tension I thought I needed......




coming into a cool, shaded place after a longtime in the sunshine........   ahhhh.  and shades of blue......




a protected, quiet nook can trigger a quiet in me......   earthtones can hush my mind......




sometimes just the sight of my soft couch is a perfect peace trigger.  sometimes it's surfing my friends' blogs on gaia that soothes my soul.  now and then I glance at the wall above the sofa and a memory brings a smile, a tear, a heartswell and such a longing for a life rewind button.  and in that memory there is an opportunity to make my peace with the past.




gardens-- flower gardens, vegetable gardens, sculpture gardens, sound gardens, soul gardens.....





sometimes going somewhere else is nice.....




high lonely places are essential, there is a certain green that when contrasted with a grey sky.........




I think the Earth herself is sacred.  Her wholeness.  Her high and low places.  Her inside and outside.  Her upside and downside.  Soft places, hard places, rough & tumble places.  Rivers, streams, oceans, mountains, deserts, skies, caves, prairies.  Icy places.  Warm places.  All sacred.  All an invitation to peace?

we are mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, husbands, wives

we are workers, friends, lovers, singers, dancers, artists, students, survivors, helpers, music makers, talkers, writers, guides, followers, teachers, walkers, sitters, lookers, hearers, readers, healers, gardeners, chefs, builders, dreamers, wakers, doers, seekers, finders

we are cries, shouts, tears and laughter.  we are songs.  we are silence.  we are lost and then again we are found.

we are so alike, despite all of our differences.

this made me laugh and cry.



and here's some music I would not want to miss hearing.....

afterquake

if you click where it says, "song for mama field recording, click to view" and you are anything like me......        I have not words.....     go see for yourself. 

Going back to school.  It's not exactly a new idea for me, but it's been seriously bubbling this spring and beginning of summer.  I attended the high school graduation of a family friend a couple of weeks ago.  She is going off to college in the fall on a full 4 year scholarship.  I'm so proud of her and hopeful.  My son just finished his first semester of college.  I have accrued enough college credit so far in my life to have about 1/4 of an associates degree.  I sat down with a college counselor two weeks ago to discuss working toward a degree.  I have tentatively decided to work on an Associate Degree in Arts and Humanities and then potentially transfer those credits to a University and do.....????  But now all of the sudden the Associate of Sciences degree looks terribly intriguing. 

Today I rode my bike about 15 or 16 miles to the college.  Took a bunch of placement tests and then a Kundalini Yoga class.  I tried to enroll in the class that was supposed to start tomorrow called "Integrative Sustainable Design" but it was cancelled due to lack of enrollment.  Then I rode my bike the 15 or 16 miles home, getting here just before full dark.  The sunset was glorious. 

The bubbling in me has to do with sustainability.  Living lightly on the planet.  Enjoying as many moments as possible while contributing something meaningful.  Tonight I thought about Albert Einstein and how he said he thought of the theory of relativity while riding his bike. 

I'm going to do my Spanish lesson now, in the hopes that I can test into an intermediate level Spanish class in the fall, instead of starting in a beginning class. 

lovingkindess

I would like to give everyone a library that they can love as much as I love the two that are within bicycling distance of my home. 

I would like to give everyone in the entire world access to clean, safe, fresh, glorious, wonderful drinking water. 

I would like to give everyone in the entire world a comfortable, nurturing home which uses only enough resources to sustain them, and not so much that it infringes on anyone else's right to thrive. 

I would like to give everyone in the whole entire world some yummy, healthy whole food dinner -- something fantastically, unbelievably nourishing and amazingly tasty.

I would like to give everyone in the entire world a hug that makes them know how special they are even if they don't buy/have the latest fashion or thingamajig. 

I would like to throw blessings wildly out at everyone. 

I would like to give everyone access to education, if they want it, and wilderness, if they would like to visit it (in a non destructive way).

I would like everyone to see this film.  HOME

and read today's installment of the No Impact Man blog, Why Bother Saving the Planet, which made me cry, in a good way. 

I would like to give everyone shelter and love and nutrition and water and a feeling of being and having enough and I would like to give eveyone time to explore some deep play and also I would like to give eveyone who wants one, a nap. 

I have just finished writing my first bit of stuff for the class I am taking this summer in preparation for finishing an associate of arts degree.  I procrastinated for two days about writing this.  I sat at the computer doing just about everything else I could possibly do instead of doing this, for most of two days.  I even did laundry and folded it and put it away instead of doing this first.  What is up with that?  When I finally started typing it, it took less than 15 minutes to knock it out.  Is this how my next two years will be?  If so, at least I'll have a moderately clean house.  :-)   Anyway, here's the the thing......   now I'm off to class. 

Meditation on respect. 

I’m thinking of the difference between respect that is demanded and respect that is earned.  I’m thinking of the difference between a reverent sort of respect and a caution based respect.  I’m thinking of the way my stepfather interacted with we children and another way that my mother did.  Stepfather demanded respect and lashed out if he felt disrespected.  He did not ever offer any respect in return.  Mother nurtured, listened, cared, protected and never mentioned the word respect, but many years later has the enduring respect of the children she reared.  Stepfather has little or no contact with those same children, the ones whom he ruled with an iron fist and “taught to respect” their elders. 

I’m thinking of the difference between a drill sergeant who insists on respect and often gets a grudging sort of it and a wise, gentle, kind teacher who shares knowledge and encourages students.  I’m wondering which of the two inspires the deepest loyalty. 

Is this idea, respect, truly something one can demand or is it something one must inspire in another, through a certain kind of behavior or a body of work?  Can one have the respect of others without respecting others? 

For my own part, I have found in life that my respect is reserved for those who seem not to think it their due by virtue of some title or position.  I have a deep and abiding respect for mother nature, for father time and for those of us mortals who offer it and earn it through their actions rather than demanding it for themselves via threat of violence or punishment.

here I am, still, recomitting, day after day, moment by moment to:

meditate, do yoga, walk with conscious attention to breathing or all three - every day

ride bike, take bus or walk instead of driving, as often as possible

eat locally and organically grown foods

eat more veggies, fruits, grains, nuts

eat fewer animal products though local eggs and goat cheese are always allowed

just say no to hyper processed, food-like substances -- ick!

ask myself, before buying something:  is it necessary?  is it useful?  is it nurturing or nourishing? is it breathtakingly beautiful or amazing?  do I really need it?  will I still love it and use it five years from now?  can I borrow it from the library or rent it if I'm just going to use it once?  do I have space or time for it, really? where have the materials to make this come from?  did it's production damage the planet?  did it's production needlessly exploit people?  what will happen when I'm done with it?  will it just end up in the landfill, hence polluting my own environment?  could I make it myself?  can I live without it?  don't I have enough already?  am I forgetting that more stuff doesn't = more happiness?  am I allowing myself to be manipulated into thinking I need/want this?  is this way of spending money in line with my values of environmental protection, fair labor practices, diverse, local and sustainable economies? 

say thank you, feel deep gratitude, for every little thing and some big things too

give and accept blessings

smile

sing

dance

love unconditionally

keep learning and growing

share

play

did I say, breathe?  love? 

yummmm.  ahhh. 

photograph from inside The Farm Restaurant in Cortez, Colorado, where they serve scrumptious vegetarian food from their local and organic farmers.  yummm.  yummm.  yummm.  seriously, if you're ever in Cortez, you've GOT to go there and have some lunch!

If someone came to you looking for meaning in their life, how would you direct them? What advice would you give?

What a frightening thought!  But I might ask them if they've thought of sitting still and maybe focusing on their breath long enough to let their mind become at least a little quieter so that maybe they could hear their heart a little better.  and if it didn't work right away, I'd ask them to keep practicing that.  to keep listening for their heart's voice.  there are so many ways to do that.  for me it takes a little solitude and some practice.  walking quietly works for me too.  sometimes writing it all down, all the stuff and stuff and stuff until something pure comes out and then I immediately recognize the part that's come from my heart.  my heart has quite a strong voice now.  I only have to be quiet and listen for a few moments to hear it, but I've really been practicing listening for a long time.  and I've been asking myself if my ways of being are fear based or love based and it's gotten easier over time to be mostly love based, though I'm still not perfect.  the good news is that we can always practice and always try again and always recommit right up until the day we leave this life.  so I would advise them to just keep practicing and just keep listening for their heart voice and just keep asking them if it's fear or love that's motivating them and I might ask them if they have something to be thankful for and I might ask them if they could ask themself that question, what do I have to be thankful for, as often as they can remember to do it. 

I just reread this post and it has something about heart and voice and color.  I think character is often expressed in color.  I know it's long, but it is indeed worth the read all the way through if you have the time. 

bless.
~d

Photo is another one from The Farm Restaurant in Cortez, Colorado.  What a scrumptious place.

after posting the following status tonight......

Dawn....   organic popcorn, organic butter, sea salt and a dash of cayenne. daily show, colbert then pay if forward. couch night.

and then proceding to actually watch The Daily Show and Colbert and then going over for a Rachel Maddow fix, I found the following comment from Laurie posted on my Gaia Grapevine.

From Laurie "Shhhhh, don't tell anyone that a Holistic Health Practitioner told you this, but if you stir a box of Junior Mints into that buttered popcorn ... OH BOY, HOWDY! I'm fairly confident it's like dying and going to heaven :)"  (3 hours ago)

I replied....  (you can tell it's my voice, uneditted, because of the conspicuous typos and OMG Laurie, I'm sorry, but I'm tremendously bad at keeping small secrets, especially after drinking two mojitos made by Adam with too much spiced rum {ick} and too much lime, but I am polite and drank them both and said, yes thank you when offered another [just being polite, right???!] and initially forgot that you said Shhhh and then, right now, decided you were just kidding anyway.)  as I was saying, I replied.....

oh Laurie, I'll tell you a secret----  the only thing you really want from those junior mints is the mint and possibly a dash of something sweet or chocolate.  today, mint was delivered in our local, organic box of green things and my husband, who has never been drunk, felt the need to make mojitos, with the mint. we had popcorn and strong mojitos and then I tossed the chewed up mint leaves into the empty buttered popcorn bowls and when I picked them up to put them in the kitchen -- the smell inspired me to.....

continued...... the smell inspired me to, interrupt Rachel Maddow's commentary on Iran and my own commentary on the book Lipstick Jihad and say to my incredibly handsome husband, "close your eyes and smell this", "this" being the smell of buttered popcorn with mashed and moist fresh mint leaves. hahahaha. I thought I was the deceased, inspirational, imagined Chef from the "anyone can cook" fame of the animated film, "Ratatouille". One of my husband's favorites. :) I'm so tickled and nearly giddy to find..

continued...    to find you suggesting a sort of mint and buttered popcorn together, this evening, after "discovering" the mix myself tonight. In the book I am reading, "Dreamland" the author talks about ideas floating around and no one's genius belonging to themself, but to anyone, for the doing or saying or writing and then, of course, Otter {Catherine}, has already written a blog on the very subject. I'll go find it and post a link for you. I have a feeling that this is actually the beginning of a very beautiful.....

continued...    friendship. :) xoxox ~d

[Adam is now not speaking to me (at least for the next ten minutes) because he wants me to go to bed with him right now and instead I'm typing furiously {giddily and tipsilly} and asking him to remember the name of that damn animated, imaginary Chef {Gusto, thank you Adam} and going to get that link and typing this urgent email dispatch to Siona and Farland and Tink, dahling, and chuckling happily to myself and wondering if I can toss in the further details about how I posted a whole darn lot of the book "Lipstick Jihad" on my blog a few months ago and am looking back for passages in the book that might relate to what Rachel has just been reporting on and ummm, as I'm typing this paragraph I'm wondering how I might fare (fair?) as a woman living in an arranged marriage under Shari'a law (sp?) whose husband wants her to come to bed right now instead of posting an email/blog for her whipsmart grrrlll friends.  (and any men/boys who might be inclined to read too)

life is a constant surprise to me lately. 

ps.  (the funny part of this blog post is over, the rest is very much sobering.)  today, I went to the sentencing of a man who pled guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child  under 15 years of age.  the alleged victim was the peer of my son and the cherished daughter of a friend.  a then (when the crime occurred) 12 year old girl who was found on the internet in a chat room by and enticed into meeting this 20 something (at the time of the crime) Iraq War Veteran,  who had, according to his own testimony, been the victim of sexual assault as a child himself and who begged, seemingly sincerely to these skeptical eyes and ears, for forgiveness from the victim and her family and community. 

while looking for the link to my above mentioned Lipstick Jihad blog, I came across the post with this song (see the last video in the post titled "Breathe" by Anna Nalick)  and it seems appropriate for this moment, now, when I feel suddenly sobered by the memory of the moments in that courtroom where our society, our technology, our compassion, our justice system and our humanity all seemed to be on trial and I involuntarily held my breath when the defendent, dressed in a red prison jumpsuit and shackles, already having been convicted by the courts of another state and also the federal courts for similar crimes against similarly young and vulnerable victims, turned to lay his eyes on my young friend and stepped forward to address the judge.  I was suddenly the warrior woman, suddenly wrathful and protective and almost, but not completey, unforgiving and destructive.  I wanted to step in front of my friends' daughter and push that man away, forever, never to allow him to lay his eyes on this child, or any child, again and at the same time, I had an awareness of the broken child inside of him and the poison of war and isolation and represssed sexuality and talk of good and evil and black and white and right and wrong and boys don't cry or ask for help or admit evil thoughts that may have gotten him into that impossible mind/emotion set in the first place.  He said that at one point he prayed to God to take that temptation away, that attraction to child pornography, to children.  He said that he would rather die than to continue to harm another in the way that he had once been harmed.  And yet he chose to hurt a child,  and more than one child.  He pled guilty today.  He was sentenced today.  He will be in US prisons for a minumum of 15 more years (for convictions in two Utah cases, one Federal case and one Colorado case).  In a way, his prayer has been answered.  He will not have the opportunity to hurt any more children for a long time. 

Our childrens' rights to be free of sexual exploitation and, our rights, as women, to be free to choose our own activities, even just our own attire, without being called whore or harlot, seem intricately intertwined with the the rights of voters in Iran to elect their goverment representatives and to protest and dissent, intricately intertwined with the rights of women, in any country, to be educated, to work, to show their faces in public, to travel, even just to the market, without a male chaperone.  In some Islamic countries today, the mere sight of a woman's exposed ankle can be considered enough provocation to incite a man's uncontrollable passions, lusts.  Not so many years ago, in these United States, it was considered a woman's fault if her husband beat her, even to the point of death. 

Women's rights are human rights.  Children's rights are human rights.  Today in the courtroom I felt that women's rights and children's rights had come far since those days, in this country, from the dark ages of calling a young girl who had been abused at the hands of a man a harlot and telling her it was her own fault, but I felt that we were far from justice yet, in the world and in our own country, and that my compassion for the victim and the convicted was equally inadequate in the face of the harsh realities that each of them have faced in this lifetime. 

the microcosm and the macrocosm in world events seem to mirror one another in my mind and in my experience today. 

I apologize for ending what was a light and funny beginning of a blog with such a difficult subject, but isn't that what usually happens when people get drunk....   on any substance, be it junkfood, alcohol, drugs or power?  it ends in some sobering, painful, too ugly for the light of day reality that we have to look at anyway, yes, in the full light of day, and without another feelgood cocktail? 

and I thank gaia for giving me this outlet for my crazy as hamlet thoughts. 

~dawn


the song that is speaking to me so loudly this minute......




"life's like an hourglass glued to the table........   no one can find the rewind button now....

if I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to......

oh oh breathe.....    just breathe."

While waiting for the bus in the rain/drizzle tonight, I met a young man, Cameron, who was in a wheel chair.  He rolled up and greeted me with a hearty, hello how are you?  and I replied I'm well and cold and how are you?  and we proceded to talk about the weather and personal temperature preferences.  He said he stays warmer because he doesn't have any legs to lose all his body heat for him.  We talked while waiting for the bus of this and that.  He's visiting a family member around here and thinks he might move here.  He thinks we have a great bus system; said it was really nice to be somewhere where it's pretty easy to get around without a car.  When the bus came he said, "cool it's one of those with the lift", but then the lift was broken and the bus driver apologized profusely and Cameron didn't bat an eye, he just said, "no problem" and hoisted himself onto the bus and dragged the chair up the stairs behind him. 

I don't know how Cameron lost his legs, but I do know that what he lacks in apendages he makes up for in charm, personality, optimism, friendliness.  I've been thinking about him ever since we parted ways.  He said he was talking with a bunch of folks earlier in the day who are riding their bikes all around Colorado in an event called "Ride the Rockies".  He thinks he'll join them next year. 

So how does this all relate to the question of freedom.  Cameron seems free to me.  Free from bitterness or self-pity.  He was just one of the most friendly people I've met in a long time.  He inspired me. 

He made me think of that quote, "I complained I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet."  He couldn't have been more than 25.  He has his whole life ahead of him.  I don't know what happened to his legs, but I can see he isn't feeling sorry for himself about it.  He's just living his life and spreading a little sunshine wherever he goes.  That's a kind of freedom.